The Great Deer Hunter

Now, I’m NOT a real Deer Hunter. I tried that and it didn’t work out. Seemed MUCH easier to just drive around and let them sacrifice themselves.

It became a running joke. Some poor deer, minding it’s own business, out in the fields. “Here comes Moe with his heat seeking cars!” And “It wouldn’t be so bad if they were IN the road when you kill them!”

Of course, of equal delight, were the stories of my disastrous attempts to actually hunt a deer. I kinda gave up deer hunting, for my own good.

The first year I lived on the family farm in Michigan I was all excited about going deer hunting. I had this spot all picked out on the back edge of the farm, down by the river. Inaccessible from the road, it would be all mine! I had scouted out bedding spots, trails, watering spots. I was Ranger Bob out there. I picked out this nice tree for my stand, had it all set up.

I dressed in the darkness, slipped out quietly, and drove down one of the irrigation trails through the fields. I parked my car and quietly, patiently, walked to my tree. I got all settled in my stand and waited for dawn. If it weren’t for the deer, it would have been a perfect morning.

Oh, I could HEAR them! I just couldn’t SEE them!!!! One of them was even splashing around in the water, over there by those trees and bushes. Argh!

Finally the deer go to play elsewhere, at least I can’t HEAR them anymore. I climb down and slowly walked back to the car; tired, hungry, cold, and empty handed. Great! The car has two flat tires! It’s a long walk back to the house.

Then there was the time I let a buddy bring his teenage son out to hunt deer. I had scouted the trail the deer used to get to a watering spot on the creek. The field had waist high growth which gave us great concealment. Once again, we started off long before dawn. We just walked from the house.

When we got to the watering spot we avoided the trail. I dropped them off at different spots along the trail and pointed out where the deer would be coming from and where they were headed. I got settled in my spot before the sky began to lighten. Big fluffy snowflakes were slowly falling. The trail, the field, and now even we were covered in a fresh snow blanket. We waited patiently in the snowy silence.

“How long are we supposed to wait?” The kid’s forced whisper practically echoes across the field. Well, if there was a deer on the trail, he is gone now. His Dad tells him to be quiet. The kid isn’t talking, but I can hear him moving around. His impatience overcomes his better judgement, he starts to complain.

The Sun is all the way up by now. Morning is well on it’s way and it’s obvious that no deer are going to come to this watering spot. Not with all those noises coming from the fields. I call it a day, we pack it in and walk back to the house.

I believe those are the only times I actually hunted, or attempted to hunt, deer.

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