Turn that frown Upside Down

Turn that frown Upside Down

You’ve heard the expression – but in MY case it went more like – Turn that LIFE Upside Down

It was like I woke up one day and my body said, “I quit”. It didn’t really happen all at once, but that was the effect. Here I had been successfully raising 4 kids on my own while holding down a full time job for years – I played paintball, volleyball, hiked – things couldn’t be better…

But then my body started breaking down – I don’t know why – best speculation was years of sleep deprivation due to unchecked sleep apnea. But over the period of two years I went from “perfectly healthy” to “unable to work”. I had one Doctor that actually believed it was “all in my head”.

But I DO have a bad heart – a diastolic dysfunction – Congestive Heart Failure – and due to THAT I am subject to quasi heart attacks. “Real” Heart Attacks cut off the blood going TO the heart muscle – causing all that pain and agony – gotta get that blood flowing again. MY condition cuts off the blood going TO the heart muscle from the INSIDE of the heart – squeezing the muscle so hard no blood can get INTO it – causing the pain and agony – but EVENTUALLY my heart will release the pressure and allow the blood to flow to the heart muscle again – they call them “self terminating”

I don’t tend to make that distinction when the elephant is standing on my chest – I really don’t care that it is technically not a “real heart attack” – my heart is screaming JUST like the heart of a guy having a “real heart attack” – and for the exact same reasons

Anyway (got excited there, didn’t I?)

Right before I finally stopped working I was having these attacks at least twice a week and sometimes twice a day. Of course, they are different from the ones I get from my Prinz Metals Angina – Oh yeah, they got lots of names for stuff that hurts you. This sucker causes an artery to spasm – temporarily blocking the blood flow (and depriving all those muscles down stream of their oxygen). THOSE feel a lot like my other heart attacks, but this one affects my right side – everything from my ear, jaw, neck, shoulder, arm, and right chest. Them buggers hurt a lot too and will quite often trigger my heart.

But let’s not overlook the Type 2 diabetes, the Obstructive Lung disorder, the loss of memory and focus, the degenerative spine disorder, restless leg syndrome, and whatever else I am forgetting at the moment. Oh yeah, don’t forget to include that ALL of those are not fixable.

And let’s not forget to mention my eyes – one day, all too soon, I will not be able to drive any more. Truth be told, I feel MUCH better on lonely empty back roads NOW… It is hard to explain to people that the FIRST time I get to see my own pictures is when I get them up on my computer screen… I can see shapes and colors – I KNOW what I’m looking at – even though I can’t actually make out any detail – I’m the next best thing to a blind man taking pictures…lol – I rely on the auto focus and auto exposure on my camera to capture the shot. I tell people that God is taking the shot, I am just holding the camera for him.

I have my good days – but the majority of the time I struggle to deal with just getting by from one day to the next.

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